Red Dress

15 years ago, 30x40cm canvas on wooden frame, made with acrylics. Not available. It was the first painting I sold at the first day of an exhibition that summer. It was bought by a pretty lady from northern Europe. The impressive thing I remember from this painting was the excellent red of the dress, made by very thin layers of various pure colors, against the many little dry strokes of  the rest parts. While I was working on it, I got surprised from the divine beauty of this red. That feeling provoked the immediate end of working on the unfinished painting!

Some other times I work for hours and always make circles, like into a bad dream with hundreds of confusing streets which turn you every time back, in the same start point. I can't handle this situation. While painting for me is a game, such times I feel that I become the loser. I cover the wasted hours with white and I go on. Before some years I was getting upset for many days, or even weeks. I was losing the appetite for working. Now is different. I accept it. I continue with more strength, without fear for losing, because among  other things, I have learned this:

Losing a fight is a valuable teacher. When I am afraid, I go back, I repeat some well known recipes and I become a sleepy winner! On the other hand, when I don't be afraid for a new step to unknown, if I win I will learn something new. All I learn when I'm not just a chicken, make me a better person. I get a little higher self respect. One more stair up, closer to heaven, every time I win my misery side. It's a fair prize! I know, I am not the best and possibly I will never be. But always I have the chance to be a little better.
Do you feel like me sometimes? I'm sure that you are an Eagle! Not chicken.